Cruddy Crappy Days
I've been feeling pretty cruddy for the last several days. Friday I burned my mouth... 3rd degree... on a hot potato. Yes, really... a very hot potato. Anyway, I haven't been able to eat much for the last 4 days. A VERY painful oral ulcer. Then I've had a stomach and head ache since the weekend. What it all comes down to is that I feel like crap. I'm really really tired of not feeling well. First surgery, than all this. Next chemo and it's associated discomfort... nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, oral ulcers, peripheral neuropathy, hair loss... Okay, I know that's not the best attitude but really... I'm tired of all this and I still have 3 months to go. I have no idea how people with chronic cruddy illnesses do it... fibromyalgia, lupus, crohn's disease. I just can't imagine having no respite in sight. I guess I'm lucky overall... when put into perspective. I think I just rained on my own little pitty parade.
Friday I got my chemo cut. I don't know. It's really really short. Of course, when I'm bald this will be long hair but it just doesn't seem very feminine to me. Maybe I'll get used to it. Or maybe that's part of the problem. The closer it gets to my first chemo treatment (Oct 14th), the more anxious I get. I was much more comfortable with the thought of surgery.
Oh, yes, very exciting news. I can lay on my stomach... relatively comfortably. It's amazingly comfortable without breasts in the way. You guys just have no idea how lucky you are.
Paula found this cool pink knife for me... I think she's expecting me to cut vegetables with it!
I met with the naturopath last week. I'll write more on that later. I'm pooped.
2 comments:
Hi Yvonne,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Just remember, all of this is temorary. Every day might seem like a week, but it will get better. Someday you will meet a woman at the same stage of treatment that you are at right now. You will be able to tell her what you went through, hot potato and all. Think of the advice you will be able to give her from all that you have learned, some the hard way, some from others sharing what happened to them. Think of this as a divorce from your breats. Divorces are SO hard, but it gets better. You come out stronger and, hopefully in a better place, emotionally.
Let me know if you want some all fruit popcycles. Strawberry would be good for healing, and tasty.
I have never been through what you are experiencing, but I have been along side someone who has - my sister. You met her, she survived. It wasn't much fun, but she is back to having fun now.
I am sorry for your mouth burn, but relieved it wasn't a cut from your new knife. It would just be one more bad mark against vegetables.
You will get your spunk back, then we should take on Washington Square again. I am not sure I will be able to keep up with you when you are all back to normal, it was hard enough with you a little out of commission.
Hi, Dr. Wikander:
The short hair looks fine, and better yet, should be fairly comfortable and effort-free under all the cool hats and scarves you'll be wearing in the months to come. And I personally didn't see ANY gray ;)
Your beauty shines through anything you do on the outside.
Thanks for sharing your decisions and experiences with us - please know we all wish the best for you during your recovery.
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