Bone Marrow Crash

Minor... or not so minor set back. Thursday through Sunday is supposed to be my greatest dip in bone marrow function so yesterday I had my blood count run to see how well my bone marrow was doing. Turns out the chemo was very, very effective... at least on my bone marrow. I plummeted from nearly 4,000 neutrophils (my white cell army against bacterial infection) to 80. Yes, eighty. Sigh. Gotta say, I really feel it. Tired and worn out. Mentally sharp and perky, just no energy to back it up. The up side was that I was banned from fresh veggies. Unfortunately that doesn't included cooked veggies. So my current limitations include no fresh fruits or veggies, well-cooked meats, avoid all questionable foods, NO restaurant or fast foods, stay at home, wear a mask in public, no visitors, no exposure of myself or my son to anyone with possible illness ie sore throats, and wash hands over and over again. What a bother! I inject myself every night... something I hate doing... with the bone marrow stimulant and deal with the achy crampy bone pain and the darn marrow doesn't just jump up and do it's thing. On the other hand, maybe my neutrophil count would be zero and I'd be in the hospital right now without those injections. That's a sobering thought. Well, we'll see how my count is on Tuesday. Evidently, the counts can change rather dramatically within just days so I chose to remain optimistic. In any case, I can't have another chemo infusion until the neutrophils are at least 1500. This is really messing with my timeline.

 

This particular chemo regiment is particularly challenging, or so I'm told. It's certainly not a gentle form of medical treatment. More like a sledge hammer, but that's what we want for it's intended use. Nonetheless, I consider myself VERY fortunate. I had 3 horrible days out of a 21 day cycle and a bone marrow dump at Day 7-10. As long as we can get a handle on this relatively quickly, that's really not bad. Many people are miserable and sick for a week or more. Nauseous and vomiting, constipated or diarrhea, dehydrated and exhausted. Each day I feel a little better and more positive. I just tire more easily. This should be my time to build up reserves for the next chemo to take place, hopefully on Nov 4th, so I try to keep a cap on my energy expenditures. I've been trying to pay close attention to what my body tells me. If a nap is in order, I'm only more than happy to oblige. We'll find out soon if this is a good technique.

 

Several people have emailed or told me that I appear to be staying very upbeat and strong. I can't say I always feel that way inside. I think a lot of people don't tell others of the discomfort, fears and emotional toll this takes on a person. Maybe they don't want others to worry about them and sympathy doesn't really help anyone. Maybe it's a pressure they don't want to carry. I can't speak for anyone else but I find expressing myself through blogging liberating. An outlet for my fears and emotional pain. The truth of the matter is that your emails, cards, phone calls and blog comments help beyond expression. It feed my soul. Makes me feel stronger. It helps me face the next step or cycle. Just knowing that there are all these people out there gunning for me, cheering me on, wishing me well. It's incredible empowering and I am eternally grateful for every single kind comment and encouraging word given.

So, yes, I'm staying upbeat and strong... but I'm able to do that, in large part, because of you all. Thank you for that.